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Narcissistic Abuse is Mental Abuse
What is it?
In 1995, Professor Sam Vaknin coined the term narcissistic abuse. His body of work gave names and definitions to the behaviors, tactics, and mechanisms used by narcissistic individuals in their interpersonal relationships.
As Vaknin discusses, narcissistic abuse is mental abuse, and the victims experience the same post abuse phenomenon as sexual abuse victims do; introjection. This is when the victim's mind has been "highjacked" by the abuser's voice. Without proper recovery, victims of narcissistic abuse can suffer devastating adverse effects.
According to Vaknin, narcissists are unable to individuate from their narcissistic parent, and adult victims of narcissists abuse can also struggle to individuate from their abusers. Using criticism, the narcissistic shames their child to the point of crippling and emasculation. These children fail to develop the skills needed to survive in an adult world, keeping them reliant upon the abusive parent. The narcissist spends the rest of their life attempting to individuate from their parent's grip using
"Psychological abuse involves trauma to the victim caused by verbal abuse, acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Perpetrators use psychological abuse to control, terrorize, and denigrate their victims." -NCADV
In a desperate effort to individuate from their narcissistic parent, the adult narcissist uses coercive control, mental manipulation, triangulation, smear campaigns, inflicting emotional distress, gaslighting, and devastating discards to complete the individuation process. Unfortunately, this rarely works.
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Instead, the narcissistic adult leaves their victim mentally, physically, and financially broken.
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Narcissistic abuse more often than not leads to an array of long-term physical and emotional concerns. While broken bones most likely heal, the long-term effects of mental abuse are also physical. This is why legislation must acknowledge and reflect through the law that mental abuse is just as traumatic and impactful as physical and sexual abuse.
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Jump to and of narcissistic abuse.
Dangers & Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Dangers of Narcissistic Abuse
It is widely confirmed that those who have not experienced narcissistic abuse cannot understand the horrifically destructive mental, physical, and financial effects which chronically plague traumatized victims, leaving them isolated, despondent, without resources, and fearful when seeking help, support, and safety from friends, family, therapists, doctors, and law enforcement.
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Methodically, the narcissist performs a series of malevolent acts which slowly cause the victim to question their own sanity. The eventual deterioration of the victim's mind, esteem, health, reputation, credibility, and finances leave them weak, vulnerable, and unable to defend themselves against the abuser's ultimate to humiliate and discard their victim.
The narcissist's fear of exposure is such a severe threat to their existence that a narcissistic will discreetly execute a plot, often with the assistance of family and friends, to discredit, discard, and destroy the victim before they have any clue, or chance to escape.
Physical Adverse Effects
Suicide & Suicidal Ideation
PTSD and/or CPTSD
Autoimmune Disease
Emotional Disregualtion
Paranoia, Fear, & Isolation
Depression, Anxiety, Confusion
Mind Looping & Insomnia
Nightmares & Night Sweats
Stomach aches & GI Concerns
Difficulty Making Decisions
Chronic Fight or Flight
Inability to Concentrate
Adrenal Fatigue
Teeth Grinding & Cracked Teeth
Cancer
OCD
Social and Economical
Adverse Effects
Loss of Career & Finances
Loss of home & shelter
Damaged Reputation
(online and in life)
Loss of Friends & Family
Chronic Low Self-Esteem
Phases of Narcissistic Abuse
The phases of narcissistic abuse are across the board, textbook. A faux fairytale from the beginning, the narcissist targets and lures an unsuspecting person as a source for narcissistic supply. The person feels so lucky to have met such a wonderful and perfect match. A true prince or princess charming. Someone with whom the person can share not only dreams, but fears and past traumas, all of which will be used against them in the future.
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Narcissistic abuse is cyclical, often being "passed" from parent to child. Children of narcissistic parents also experience some aspects of the phases of abuse, and more if the child grows to pull away from their parent. The narcissistic parent will smear the child/adult child, just as a romantic partner does to his or her victim. Essentially, the parent scapegoats the child just as the partner does to their unwitting partner, also referred to as "the supply."
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Idealization
(Lovebombing)
Over the top attention, showering with gifts, fairy-tale like, adoption of your specific interests & hobbies. Rushed intimacy, aka Future Faking (asking you to move in, marry). Providing a "safe" place to finally share all of your vulnerabilities, secrets, and burdens.
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This overwhelming love is designed to get your guard down, mesh with you, collect your personal history which can then be used against you during the DEVALUATION phase.
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Devaluation
Critical remarks, even of things they "loved" about you in the beginning, all intended
to degrade, demoralize,
frighten, & intimidate. Coercive Control.
Blameshifting, flipping conversations, denying your observations and perception aka, GASLIGHTING.
Labeling you as crazy.
Behind the scenes, abusers cheat, triangulate, launch a smear campaign with friends, family, community, law enforcement, etc. Narcissists recruit "flying monkeys," aka enablers, to assist with the DISCARD.
Discard
Calculated rejection without warning, usually when you are at your weakest emotionally, mentally, and financially. The smear campaign convinced outsiders that you are crazy, aggressive, abusing substances; falsely depicting you as the abuser.
Defamation of character, libel, public humiliation. Smearing your character with the local police department. Arrests under false pretenses. The shock, horror, and disbelief of betrayal cut deeply. The body becomes stuck in Fight or Flight, followed by the onset of SYMPTOMS
For more detailed information on the phases of narcissistic abuse, visit any of our Resources.